27 November, 2012

寻觅 · The Search

最近在找工作,起初的想法是找一份年尾兼职,明年再找份正式的全职。后来因为很多艺人在年底到访新加坡,所以又改变了安排,用年尾采访,明年找份工。
Been looking for a job these days, and my initial plan was to look for a part-time festive one this year end, and look for a full time one for next year. Later on I realised that many celebrities are coming to Singapore this year end, so I decided to cover those events for YOLOsg, and find a full time job next year instead.



不知道我有没有在这里说过,虽然没工作的这几个月,储蓄慢慢减少,但是却更清楚自己想要的是什么。
Not sure if I've said this here before, but during these few months without income, I began to have a clearer idea of what I really want.

以前每个月都有薪水收入,忽然间想买什么都垂手可得,过了一两个月,反而不知道自己要的是什么了。
I used to be very assured that I'd get more money every month, and suddenly everything I appear to want, could be bought almost instantly. After a few months of such ease and convenience, it became unclear as of what I REALLY wanted.

现在资金有限,反而因为一笔钱只能择中其一,所以反而更明白自己真正想要、不能缺少的,是什么。
Now that my resources are limited, and I have to choose between two things, it gives me a better idea of what I really need.

其实人生也不过如此。
Which is also pretty much what life is about.


小时候常常听大人说,要知道自己要的是什么、自己的目标是什么、自己寻找的是什么。
Adults used to tell us that we have to know what we want, what our goals are, and what we are looking for in life.

但是他们忘了告诉我们,那是一个目标,但在那之前有个过程叫摸索。
Something they forgot to tell us was that that was our GOAL, and to get there, we need to go through a process of SEARCHING.

摸索,就是尝试接受各种东西、接触各种东西,慢慢明白自己能接受什么、不能接受什么;喜欢什么、讨厌什么;什么是可以妥协、什么是誓死不让的原则。
Searching is about trying different things and meeting different people, slowly understanding your own limits, boundaries, love, hate, principles and all that stuff.

所以说,在知道自己要的是什么之前,有个过程叫知道自己不要的是什么。
That's to say, before understanding what we want, we have to try to find out what we don't want.

就以恋爱和结婚对象为例,也许你不知道什么样的人适合你,但随着你接触各式各样的异性,你会开始有些条框。或许你不知道他确切的样子是什么,不过你会有基本概念,不要邋遢的、不要吸烟喝酒赌博的、不要不靠谱的、不要三心两意的、不要浪漫得恶心却也不能木纳死板的。
Take seeking a lover for example, you may not know exactly what kind of person you're looking for, but through exposure, you learnt some of the things you would NOT accept. Maybe you don't know EXACTLY who you are looking for, but you would understand you may not want someone who smokes/gambles/drinks/is flaky/indecisive/grossly romantic/emotionless.

等到你在寻觅中,删除掉这些触犯你原则的人,才能知道,自己要的是什么。
With that, you narrow your search from the people you meet, and from there, find out who you want.

当然,有些人可能在你认识之前,你就觉得合眼缘、有感觉,这时候,就是我说的明白自己真正想要、不能缺少、誓死不退让的是什么。
Of course, you may also meet people you click with instantly, but have a few bad habits that are on your NO list. That's when you start to consider, is it a ideally-no, or a hell-no criteria? Is it something I can live with?

因为感觉,你会开始思考,或许他有某些坏习惯是你不能接受的,但是,你能妥协吗?这些原因足以让你放弃他吗?
You start to wonder if it's worth giving up that person for that bad habit, or is it something you can actually compromise, ultimately.

条件也随着认识,慢慢删减,让你明白,自己真正不能接受的是什么
With those thoughts, you also start to understand what you REALLY cannot accept, forming a stronger NO list.


说回自己吧。
Back to myself.

最近在考虑两份性质不一样的工作,一个是制作、另一个是写作。
Been considering between two jobs, a production and a writing one.

在两者之间,就是回到摸索的考虑中,思考自己真正不能接受的是什么、什么又是可以忍受和退让的。
Between the two, I wonder which one means more to me, and what are some of the challenges that I'm actually willing to face.

会那么想,而不是钻牛角尖地自我否定,才能有建设性地走出踌躇的状态。
Consideration is a constructive process, not one where you put yourself down and beat around the bush with no conclusion.


Because searching is only a process that can never be your eternity.