27 November, 2012

寻觅 · The Search

Been looking for a job these days, and my initial plan was to look for a part-time festive one this year end, and look for a full time one for next year. Later on I realised that many celebrities are coming to Singapore this year end, so I decided to cover those events for YOLOsg, and find a full time job next year instead.

Not sure if I've said this here before, but during these few months without income, I began to have a clearer idea of what I really want.

I used to be very assured that I'd get more money every month, and suddenly everything I appear to want, could be bought almost instantly. After a few months of such ease and convenience, it became unclear as of what I REALLY wanted.

Now that my resources are limited, and I have to choose between two things, it gives me a better idea of what I really need.

Which is also pretty much what life is about.

Adults used to tell us that we have to know what we want, what our goals are, and what we are looking for in life.

Something they forgot to tell us was that that was our GOAL, and to get there, we need to go through a process of SEARCHING.

Searching is about trying different things and meeting different people, slowly understanding your own limits, boundaries, love, hate, principles and all that stuff.

That's to say, before understanding what we want, we have to try to find out what we don't want.

Take seeking a lover for example, you may not know exactly what kind of person you're looking for, but through exposure, you learnt some of the things you would NOT accept. Maybe you don't know EXACTLY who you are looking for, but you would understand you may not want someone who smokes/gambles/drinks/is flaky/indecisive/grossly romantic/emotionless.

With that, you narrow your search from the people you meet, and from there, find out who you want.

Of course, you may also meet people you click with instantly, but have a few bad habits that are on your NO list. That's when you start to consider, is it a ideally-no, or a hell-no criteria? Is it something I can live with?

You start to wonder if it's worth giving up that person for that bad habit, or is it something you can actually compromise, ultimately.

With those thoughts, you also start to understand what you REALLY cannot accept, forming a stronger NO list.

Back to myself.

Been considering between two jobs, a production and a writing one.

Between the two, I wonder which one means more to me, and what are some of the challenges that I'm actually willing to face.

Consideration is a constructive process, not one where you put yourself down and beat around the bush with no conclusion.

Because searching is only a process that can never be your eternity.