19 July, 2013

Trying Day.



Today has been a very trying day. In some sense, I woke on the wrong side of the bed.

Usually... I think I know what upsets me. One thing I'm certain I don't get calculative about is food. But when I do, I know it's a trying day for me. Probably not a good day, and bad enough that I actually care about food.

There's a lot to do, but I don't want to deal with it. Let them stay in my inbox. If they do matter, I'll get around to working on them in a while. If they don't, well... I just need a break from all these to settle down.

There's always something I can rely on to express how I feel - Goldin Universe Test.

You have always been on the move seeking affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Your ultimate goal has been the realisation of an intimate union in which there could be love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust. It has often been said that 'True love is just around the corner' and - if you haven't found it as yet - you possibly soon will.
You are totally dissatisfied with your present situation. Matters are not going right for you and you are seeking a means of escape. Your mental state of mind necessitates that you need to change your thinking patterns. Remember, if one particular modus operandi doesn't seem to work, then try something different.
Enough is enough - but the problems never seem to stop. They never stop. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit - you bounce back time and time again - you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that 'belief' system that in the end, everything will turn out OK - and you are right -it will!
For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships - that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' - someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination. You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth.
You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.

On days and at times like these when I'm truly incredibly annoyed and frustrated... It's frickin easy to get pissed off. And when someone sets his/her heart to annoy me... I'll do the same.

It's said that guys and girls confide for different reasons. Guys confide for solutions, girls confide for relief. 95% of the time when I admit what's bothering me, I don't need someone to tell me that whatever's bothering me doesn't actually matter.

EMPATHY.

That's something our lecturer told us is more important than communication, yet so many people don't understand.

I mean... When I'm on fire and cussing in pain, you should try and lend a helping hand, instead of pin-pointing that hey you know it isn't right to curse right? It's not acceptable to me.

Let me just say that... I don't like cussing, and I only do when I really need to get some negativity out of my system. Which is pretty much frequently lately. But I think that's okay.

What's not okay about cussing is when youths and adults use it excessively. Like mixing CB and F in random daily conversations for no apparent reason. So in a sense... I think my principles do make sense.

Really upset today because.. I've reached a point where I don't even want to bother what you think or feel anymore, because I can't even wrap my head around my own problems. If you can't spare some attention for me, why should I care about your feelings?

I don't want to have to put on a false front.