Hello to everyone who reads this blog. :)
There are a few projects I've been wanting to do - the bubbles photography, knowing my neighborhood and a column dedicated to epic things my mom says/does.
The reason none of the above is done is because my mom has been hospitalized. Surprisingly, I have to say I've never believed I'd ever say that someday. And yet, yes, it happened.
It was hard to accept the fact on the first day that I had to leave for home with Kimjioon, leaving my mom in the hospital, and keeping it from my eldest brother because we want him to focus on his wedding photoshoot the next day.
I couldn't sleep well that night, and only managed to fall asleep at 4am plus.
The emotional and psychological struggle continued in Day 2, and I only fell asleep in the wee hours once again. That's because I was too exhausted from the day, and the concert shoot at night, and having to transfer transportation modes once too many to get home.
I guess I sort of came to terms with the reality on Day 3. Yes, she's in the hospital. Yes, she's not well. Yes, she's getting old. The thing is, I never cried.
I guess that's part of what growing up meant - taking your time towards acceptance, and learning to think 'what now?' instead of 'why now?'.
The incident taught me a lot, and suddenly many things made sense to me.
Dad's obsession with insurance policies, Medisave savings, patient's dignity and filial piety.
My mom once said that she'd rather die than have the needles in her hands. Yet in this incident... She has them for days, time after time. Sometimes life doesn't go your way, but if things work out, go with it for you may well end on the same or better note.
Patient's dignity is something my mom has always talked about. I knew it, but I didn't really understand it. We all think that when someone we know is hospitalized, we should visit, because we are friends/family. Right?
I began to see it in another way - if you are the one on the sickbed, looking frail and vulnerable unlike the usual, would you have the dignity to want to face them only when you're better? I know I would. Sometimes we need to think about how the person on the receiving end would feel, rather than doing what we think is 'right'.
I don't have a lot of time right now to write more, because I need to deal with things for YOLOsg and at home. My point is... we never really know we've grown, until we see ourselves reacting differently (in a better way) from the past in face of the same situation.
THANKFUL is the second reason I'm writing this entry. Thank you Poh, Miao, Ahvon, Maledeine and my brothers' wives (Kimjioon proposed too) for being by my side, encouraging me and giving a damn about how my mom is doing.
People say you never really know who are your true friends, until you face a situation that you cannot handle. I guess that's true. If friends are like diamonds, I'd rather have a few invaluable ones, than a carton of cheap capsule ones.
I truly appreciate all the ways you guys showed me support and love. It means a lot.